Sad Onions
by amnesiapit756
Summary: sonic is pregnant but her husband amy gotta go?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

eggmans fatass and the console wars

"ONETWOONETWOONETWOONETWO" said eggbotnik hastily

"CRACKER THE FUCK YOU DOIN" said nuggles

"you arent black stfu" says…:…..doctor bitchass mcnigger asscakes

"y'ou'r right" said the now cracker ass knuckieknucks

"So whats the square root of X" said rebnugunik smart

ingly"Its obviously ∑∂ƒ´´ƒ©ßƒßƒ´´åƒFwdadUfaaCk∂å∂å∂å∂å∂youBETA" pondered niggles

"FO SHIZ YO" agreed rehabnik

suddenly knuckles got a boner from fond memoires

"MAN DONTYA KNOW I BANGED ROUGE reall aa rd the other DAY i sexxxed her good" bonered knuckles knuckingly

"ARENT HER BOOBS HEAVY ENOUGH TO COMPRESS STEEL" questIONed manegg

"ye" ruckled fuckled knuckle

"they're so big and moist and juicy its unbelievable. They each bring so much pleasure to every muscle in my body that i nearly orgasm just thinking about them"

"wow your kind of a dramawhore. if i wasnt have the woman i was id duplicate my tongue and lick ya both" rbunuk snugged

":::" knug

"HA IM NOT A WOMAN" logiced rbububnuk before he went to the creepy zone, never to return

MEANHWILE

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE SHITTY ASS THREE DIEMENTIONAL GUMS" pondered snick the snogheg as his back bent further and further

"man i miss when my eyes were as black as my soul" he said before choking up a lung from walking one meter

suddenly he realized his glasses had fallen to the ground he hated so much

"tails"

"tais my butt buddy you gotta help me i cant si"

"did somebody say spa-

"NO"

"THERE ARE NO MEXICANS"Fllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll*snortscocaine*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

"LEAVE"

suddenly the author wondered who the fuck was talking"

"TAILS"

"HLEP"

sadly tails was too busy shoving his tales into his arse

so snick died

the endUNTIL CHAPTER 1.5.6533445563.214354to the square root of sineco


	2. CHAPPI 2

CHAPTER 2

something

jesus christ i once saw this one thing

it was an upside down i

and i was wondering how people did that

fuck i see it on one of my keys but each time i press it i get this 1

FUCK

oh right this thing sorry

robotnik uuguuuuuuuuuuuuu

sonic IM WHITE TRASH

robotnik PREPARE TO DIE BECAUSE TEN MINUTES UP

sonic die

tails cry

knuckles pie

robotnik NO REMORSE NO REPENT WE DONT CARE WHAT IT MEANT

robotknock headbang

END OF CHAP whatevernumber

chap fuck you rob

and so robutnik was rok but not u rok but a snails. and a snails did a fier and so went to jails. but jails was not a salt, so snailks to the escape of ddstztffszte4wdszfgxdzgsx btu then snirik to the escape xit, but do nit stip snatls. then tot kare of the hamer, but to the homer of naisl. so snails to the xit but not stop, so go, then go to OBLIVIO JAH JAH JAH JAH JAHN *guitar riff* so iblivion nto to exist, so void, so snaik s to the void in sefivce of bloky. so bloky to the salvement of snaiks but snads no salvegemtn so to a fri. but to a fri is cost of fridon, so fridom no so fre. so to pay of prece snaiks to cost of snig. snig snif to bloky, who is crow, to yegu, but then yegu to slafe of snig, so snig eternal loyalment to yegu. but bloky wand zalve so bloky taek de snaies. then snaies dey. but too duy is to fri and frw no bak so to not doe but to pepretum. so snaiels to preparaterum in internaty and welcomes to bys. but bys no have lok for snaiys so snarels to cum ut, then sonik to snaifs as anew.

da ze end chap fuck you people i fucking hate you all

today i learned electrons are blue iz genius no? no

my idiot left hand took over the fic for a bit sorry

it thinks this is some joke or whatever fuck all

chapter 95

tubtoopnik stared at the sky

and the sky started back

robotnik today i shall eat

so he ate

and so he shat

the end

ENTER THE PASSCODEno stop with that

im not even left handed no srsly passcode nao

no seriously im not left handed

still you must verify you

still shut the fuck up

r humanity no u

i named my left hand zat

it kicks babies

holy crap fuck this

im going back to listening to linkin park


	3. robbie

CHAPTER 3

Is that you cream cheese

oh cream cheese how i love you-

…..thats…..

YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT NOW NO ONE WILL EVER LOOK AT ME THE SAME WAY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cream gigled as hunrey dood ran ran with his pantsu down down

sonic holy shit what the fuck are you

creamy cackled and got hard

noooooooooooo

sonic ran ran too too

cream fucked the floor

rubtubnut laffed as jiss eful creuntion skarred away all dem preps

kroom munwhule massedderbaded furioungslyy and swaftly

having a dick is preddy fun you know all you prepsies should try it

kreemy kummy expunged balls and then collapsed on the floor nearly dead

was pretty hot tbh

oh shit did i actually say that

you know i once saw this one video where this guy somehow like

got rid of his words

it was pretty cool but i dont know how to do that

man this sucks

snuck callapsed on growd fram sprinteeng butt ufortratingly a me was there

thus brutal sex piratee'

FINNY chappapapapapapa sine mega nega dire phi


	4. silet robbie

CHAPTER 4

silet rab

So i was havin some

fuKin

brain reading sessions with my left hand

And it told me that…

There is no meaning to life

which is pretty fantastic it means i dont have to worry about the strange people standing outside

help

Shadow woar black eyeliner with black feet with black shoes with black gloves with black fur with black eyes with black lips and black heart

also a pink stripe on his quills cause hes a pretty pretty boy

so pretty black yo

he also found out he was tri sexual yesterday so that was pretty freakin good

there he saw on the ground

the hottest twins ever

A frog and a dick waving rabbit

Jackpot.

he was about to make his move when he felt kreems huge and hard KAWK thrust into his luscious quills

Already seamen were rowing their boats out from his club member

its pretty exclusive DAMMIN JOSH WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME YOU AND BRITNEY SUK fucking preps

this return key is pretty rad

Chapter sniggle snof diddle

cream i luv u

o shadeu i luv u 2

and then a motherfucking frog hopped in and was all OINK OINK

so mancream and shadow and fige all conived their conivision and decided to become the merrys

so they go to the chapel and see the priest who is soupr kwaii desusugoi named ROB THE WEDHEHOG

fuck my spacekeyisbrokenow

nvm fixed it

so rob says HEY GUYS U HERE FOR TEH BUTTFUCK SECTIONS?

then vanillacream says HELLS YEAH BRO

then chocolatrerealized there was a mothefucking chaos thing blue floating around him/her/it/fuck/idno

afterwards vanilla ice rubbed her/his supah sugoi ass against shaknow's erect leg

until the zits on his leg exploded in a showery and really fucking hot display of pusssy

did i mention how hot it was

in fact it was so explosive everyone died from drowning in pus

basically the best way to die

but froge still lived NEVAR 4GET

ab: guys did you see that totally kawaii anime lucky star fucking greatest thing evar


	5. fuck it

chapter dildos

rob was sitting on the couch with crime and froggyue and whatever the other fucker was and they were all making out cuz ROB IS SO HOT SUGIUS

androginousmilk stopped and said yo what the fuck my fav show is on

feminist frog WHAT THATS SO DEGRADING LOK AT her CLEAVERS FUCKING PATRIARCHY AND THEIR SEXUALIZATION OF WYVERNS 9 QOEJQOWIHRWEPIOHNPQWIUGHPWIEUGNFPOQ3HI OEPWIB FIJQWRGN IEPBVPQ9UBGFKUENGIPUERBGIEQR GI[OUERBFI[ER GJREBG

then shadwoman exclaimed MY PEEERRRIIIIIOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD and randomly started to cry and begged for nutella

so rob got some for her cause hes so fucking great

god id totally suck his dick wouldn't you

then a random bitch wearing nothing but a clear bre and meaterwear (cause meat is sooooo sexy) appeared and started making with rob

and he put his dokidoki into her omanko and thrusthrusthrust and then he exploded delicious feman milk into her pagina

but SOOPRISE it was a dagger so then her pusy started leaking out liquid red and shadowman was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo0o0ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jelly of her sdelcisn rednes and crid again

so rob got her moar nutella

NO

I SAID NO


	6. kill it

chapter fuckall idk

ouch

an: i want nutella in my pu$$y

$y si

i killed someone today, i think

after their death i seemed to have died myself

Rubby tubby NICK saw this himself, and told to himself

Im going to fasten sonic

Then he was fastenend

MOST LIKELY, see thing is i'm still not entirely sure about that little detail

not easy paying attention to details when you're dead

stilll….Probs

just probs

End of chapter 26

much sad time yes

CHAPTER 01._.0bitcode

ARGHFUCKTHATHURTSman saw

He saw

saw admiral hedgehog on this bright and stormy lunar day

after he spit on his face, said

HAWW HAWW HAWW

HEDGELY ADMIRAL, I FINALLY HAFOUND YOU

i will

Ruin all your toys and make you sit in the time out place zone act 4 part iii where you will be sad for the rest of the hour and then i'll make you go to the toilet before i send you to bed

then ill behead you during thr witching hour and everyone will be happy :)

Sonsaid: oh no ARGHman, we'll see about THAT

and then sons outrACED the MAN and he made everything crashed into a wall

the shock was so great we all died, i fucking HATE HEDGEHOGS JESUS CHRIST HAVE YOU EVER STEPPED ON ONE?! fuck you

[except for rob hegehog hes pretty rad]

Chapter 56

ammy: hey sonic did you know i'm a super shallow character and my entire character dynamic revolves around you and i have the personality of a kiddy pool

sonI: Actually yes, that's why we're crucfying you

Nuc thenigk: aaaaahahaha ye

Nick: perfect

After they talkened, ammz died for our sins

now you make liver and prosper, for all timer

thank you ladies and gentldudz, have a good oen, by everyone

B: HEYEHYEHYEHESONIC SONIC WAIT YOU FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT FOX JESUS

tail: can i be crucified 2

then tails was crucified to die for the sins of all the martians

Butt fuck venus, those assholes

but rob was best messiah for all UNININIVERZ-mostly because he wasnt an angsty emo who killled himself

instead he killed everyone else

for his PERFECT SINS


	7. break it

Chapter #FUCK  
Vector: Hello, hello, how low…  
Chameleon: interor crocodilealligator, sir i cant help but notice your depressive state  
Vector: Yeah man, im going to go inhale Helium right about now, wish me luck in the after zone(act 34 which is danger zune but better)  
Chameleon, aight tight ass we best be keeping in touch  
Vector later man DIES*  
Vector: Oh tight, is this HELL?  
Satan: BET YO FUCKIN ASS IT'S HELL, WE GOT ALL DA SHIT  
my space fuck off

dickhole SULFUR, SULPHUR, BRIMSTONE, FIRE, FLAMES, WE CARRY OOOONNNNN COMBUSTION, LAVA, FIRE  
the fucking best  
Vector hell yes, burn robme right now  
Then rob burned a lot, so lesson to all of you always be a satanist at all times, else u might end up less than dead

fuck yeah the occult follow me on TUMBZ YOshit  
(btw my pronouns are zie/zer/zephir/BR?/zephur and im dovhakkin dovhakkeintrans-zuum skyrim-gendered lydiasexual)urehtras nigga 9_6  
i dont wanna play this game anymore

Today, kncukles noct understand of quantity of computer INGS  
unfortunately this means he'll have to burn in heaven to repent his ignorance  
wish him luck ya'll, i gotta go kill myself for the millionth time this week myself

\ /  
chapter NOIN  
and even it hurts inside you gotta  
PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMp  
like it's NOT A TIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE  
yeah  
Sonic how do you like my new faggot band?  
nuck the niglet it sucks fucking cuck  
NUNE ASKED YOU NUCKS  
hey fuck off tayls, nucks is right  
you suck major dick and no amount of prancing about on your asshole will make it ironically good  
tells: but you're supposed to love me  
FUCL THE SYSTEM IM TIRED OF SEGA TELLING ME WHAT I CAN AND CANT DO  
TONIGT IM MAKING LOVE TO NUCKS AND BURNING THE WORLD, NONE OF YOU CAN STOP ME  
after fucking the red dude in the butthole, the blue dude literally set fire to the atmosphere  
we're all dead thanks to sega  
thanks sega  
HAHAHA GENSIS REALLY DOES WHANT NINTY DONT  
being alive hurts  
help

Chapter 7?ish

it all began with the rotten pitza crust on the carpet  
sonic- Nuck cmon we cant go around living with rotten food lying around  
knucleduster- then you pick it, you lazy bum  
son- no i gotta save it for the tournament tomorrow; those jet boards dont fly themselves you know  
it was at this point that the ground was lava, and the demon and his satans rose from the ground itself and moved to take over all the ground on the planet  
unfortunately all the athiests in the world unbelieved so hard that demon just crapped his pants, and had to go back to get a diaper change

not before smiting a few prepsies though

when he came back the ground sealed itself with glue; and that's why we all dont have two crapholes. the end

i recommend you dont go outside, these days the air is always filled with a highly combustible and corrosive chalcogen gas; just ask olimar about how well that went

i have to go soon, my left hand seems to be waking up

So all my peeps out there dont forget to keep sending me sleeping pills, the more i get the less my left hand RUINS EVERYTHING 


	8. my favorite game

chapter _.  
Basically it was a pretty good summer day outside  
but to shadow it was nothing but the greyest and most horrible melancholy dungeon of torture imaginable  
All his life has been nothing but grey, from the grey eggshell he was hatched from to the grey eggshell he grew up on to the grey farmyard he almost grew up on to the SILVER SKY he was OPPRESSED by  
He was walking in a dark peninsula surrounded by a seemingly never ending body of sulfuric acid as well as hydrochloric acid, in a very very painful and soul tearing ratio  
A.N.: IT WAS 5:1  
shadow's soul ached and pained every second he was there, but he stayed because pain was all he knew and pain was also pretty manly so there was that I guess

but in this dark corridor he found himself surrounded by the darkness; most of this darkness was his coat  
He screamed and hollered to make it go away but it wouldnt and he ended up falling down and getting caught in it as though it were a garbage bag  
Garbage bag shadow soon found his efforts futile, and he ended up falling off the edge of the world and into hell 3.5: sorrow melancholy agony decript edition  
BUT WAIT not quite because someone saved him  
?: hello i've come to save you from yourself  
shadow: OH PLEASE HELP ME I AM A SINNER I REPENT  
?: okay come over to my place  
so he followed her at least i think it was a her, i mean judging from that ass you know what im saying  
then he went to her apartment and she tore off the coat she stole from sadow and  
shadow: WOW what brown hair you have  
she then made some wretched noise from her mouth hole but it didnt matter cuz she was like an angel, and almost not even metaphorically also her brown hair flowed from 2 feet above her head down through the floor it was like a river of chocolate  
?: but there's something you should know about me  
and then she tore off her super fake super realistic mask AND EWWW IT WAS A DUDE, YO  
?: hi i bite  
and then he BIT THE FUCK OUT of shadow's nECK  
?: guess im really hungry hahaa but not hungry enough to kill you but also just enough to leave you teetering on the edge of life and death so you conveniently become a vampire hehehe  
the vampire roared a hyenous laugh as he jumped out the window and snapped his neck on the way down because my vampires dont have wings and they also dont burn in the sun  
then shadow was a vampyre  
he found his agony multiplied by exactly 10, his misery by 1.1, and his sorrow by 0.999  
His level up also included new fangs and his red eyes become REALLY REALLY red, like so red it was like BLOOD, blood from the mutilated flesh of pitiful mortals who dared defy the grace and majesty of the night lords  
anyways he found a new coat and also got a mask to hide his ugliness which was now three times stronger  
then he ran around biting the fuck out EVERYONE because he actually has no self restraint im afraid  
first he went to the local high school and bit amy who then bit sonic who then bit shadow who then bit rouge which then bit charmy which then bit sonic which then bit amy which then bit shadow  
this left everyone a vampire by the end of the hour and shadow was a super vampire and everything about him was as blood red as the blood in your veins and he would like to cut you to show you how bloody it really was  
then there was no more conflict because there was no one left to bite  
vampirekind invented spaceships and faster than light travel to find more peeps to bite but they were alone in the universe :(  
and then everyone died

why does it always end this way

chPTRe_rr3r

sonic was walking down the hallwayd of Mobius Academy for High Functioning Autists headding to his class when he stopped at his locker to get some books  
he opened his locker and saw a not it said:  
'sonic I have something reallyreallyrealllyreallyreally important to tell you  
meet me on the roof at 11

your secret admirerer'

'yay i wont die a virgin" sonic congratulated out loud

so some time passes or whatever and sonic goes to the roof while also contemplating whether or not he should jump should things go awry  
like, y'know, if someone was gonna try and murder him or rape him or sommething

ANYWAYS  
so he goes to the roof and GUESS WHO WAS THERE?!  
was it tall black and hairy?  
…..IT WAS ROSE THE AMY!  
'oh sooonnniiixcccc ur here' said the amy  
'yeah i guess' said sonic with meloncholy  
'sonic i…..' amy paused a moment, and softly closed her eyes  
after what seemed an eternity, she opened them again  
'...im here to murder you.'  
'FUCK I KNEW IT' inquisisted sonic  
amy grinned, and pulled out her knif., the edge seemed to mock sonic, telling him all the ways it'll taste the red liquid his flesh so jealously hides

so sonic did the only thing he planned

he jumped.

it went as expected, he hurled his body off the edge and splat.  
he was dead.

remember kids never tallk to anyone ever theyre all out to get you

i dunno i thought it went pretty well; he got die the way he wanted to not most people can say that


	9. my favorite song

Chappedy chap chap terd feck  
hey guys thanks for the re-vyous, sorry about my spelling it's just that my left hand is stupid and ugly

_  
i got somethin really special for u all tuday  
SONGS  
with a….tankload of passIon and love (_._)3(_._)  
i knose my fans will love it unless my left hand ruins it again  
okay  
Song - watch?v=LmaL69poIKk ←- Song  
(on utubez by the WAAAYYYY)

also i put the song voice into my writin

 _when you're blind and alone_

sonix was drving down the way of FREEDOM in his hotrod ferrari thing idk and he had rouge teh sexaj and she was giving him heads

as in she was decapitating pedestrians and presenting their heads to him sa they drove  
"just throw them in the back" says snics  
"GOD UR SO HAWT" says the rouge of sexah  
so then sonic tore out their eyeballs while he drove

"i never feel so alone as when im with you"  
"wha"  
"can i suck your c  
 _and you feel you're made of stone_

ROUGE WTF feels soooo goooooddddddd rouge also had whipped cream studdffed in her pu$$y

 _when the ground trembles and you fall_

sonic LOOK OUT and they crashd into a rocktree cause rouges lips were soooo soft and moist like a sandwhich

 _know that I've got you by the ball_  
it was very sadFFFUUUCK THIS ISN'T FRUIT FLAVORED

 _you think there's nobody_

IT'S SPICY GODDAMNED CINNAMON

 _but i'm here to show you that i'm somebody_  
I ASKED FOR CHERRY, MAYBE EVEN STRAWBERRY  
 _just give me a chance_  
THEY GIVE ME FUCKING PAIN  
 _and we'll have our dance_  
MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE

 _take my hand_  
so tails visited sonic and said "WHHHHHYYYYYY WERE YOUC HEATING ON ME?!  
 _we'll travel the world's worth_  
"b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but im not ghey…"  
 _touch my gland_  
YES YOU AAAAAAARRRRRRRREEEEEEE DONT LIE  
 _this is our earth_  
but i can ttake it anymore mmmaaaannnnnhhhh everyone hates me :(

 _can't you see?_

well maybe if you stopped being hated people wouldnt hate you, dumbshit

 _this is harmony_

EVEN YOOOOUUUU HATE ME so sonic got out of his hospital thingy and went to the rofo and JUMPED OFF hasn't this happened before

 _aren't you free?_

nuck the niglet lolololo serves you right stupid cunt

 _there's no jeopardy_  
tails the tiglet yo wanna grab a drink ur pretty cute

 _come on give me a tear_

nuck no fuck off faggot

 _we've made it past yesteryear_

PURSECCCCUUUUUTTTTTIIIIIOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN

 _and we have no future_

rouge the nobody cares about you: mmmm boys whats all the screamin about

 _so um_  
tais ; HES HURTING MY FEEEELINGS nuck fuck off he hit on me first

 _take my hand_

rouge the sexegigigas: mmmmm i dont know what goin on but how bout u 2 come back to my place

 _we'll travel the world's worth_

nug & tay: k

 _touch my gland_

so they went to rouges smelly ass apartment nug: it smells like herpes tails: hey thats the thing i have

 _this is our earth_  
nug n rouj: ...'

 _is this thing still on_  
roj: fuck it im too horny lets just go  
 _where's my fucking money_  
so they all started going at it uhhuhuhuhuh when suddenly SONIC CAME THROUGH THE WINDOW  
 _you can't pull this shit_  
sonx: yo it aint an orgy without me CAUSE IT FEELS SO EMPTY WITughHOUT ME  
 _you'll be dead by morning, ma'am_  
taison & nif & ruj: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D shadow-D:l everyone: FUCK OFF SHADOW YOU WHINY PRICK

 _*instrumental*_  
suddenly the rosemary army  
 _*more instrumental*_  
so rosemary or whoever the fuckjoined i guess GOshdarn SHES SUSH A CUNT just like brittish anny from school FUCK YOU BRITANNY I JUST WANTED TO GOTO the chemical waste dump  
 _*introoutro*_  
so eventually everyone decided they had enough orgasnsgasms 4 the night tails: god soniiisc what was that thing you did with ur potatoquill  
 _*midoutro*_  
sonsnic: oh yknow just something i lurned from BEING DEAD FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR FUCKING HELL ROUJsh  
 _*outa outro*_  
rog the sexiest orgasmick: mmmm shugnick wat u complainin bout you just had the best dikkk suckin of ur life  
 _*finale*_  
sugbotnickj: YEAH EXCEPT IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT now im going to slice your necks with professor pineaplle  
 _*last instrument*_  
 **I TOLD YOU I'D SHOOT**  
 _*last seconds of the video that are completely silent*_  
 **BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME**  
 _*end*_  
 **WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME**  
 _*bye*_  
 **D**

man im tired im gonna listen to evanewscense  
i really like the video for tha life song or whatever  
really cool how the chick just DIES but then iz just her dreaming  
really cool  
you should totally check it out  
OKAY BAI 4 REELZ NOW


	10. its gone

Chapter III  
Shadow listened as the pitter-patter of the rain subsided while he stood alert. Even after he popped a few pills of Ambien, he was completely incapable of sleep. So, he thought, what better way to spend a sleepless night than taking a walk at 4:30 AM? He sighed as he closed the door behind him; no doubt it would be a long night. He almost reached down to turn on his boots' thrusters to hopefully set his mind at ease with the wind in his face, but decided against it when he saw the streets slick with rain.

Shadow reminisced on all the trouble the city had given him the past few years as he stared at the dulling glowing lights that illuminated the city; the scummy officials in charge of the ins and outs seemed to have a chip in their shoulder just for him. Wasn't he supposed to be a hero?  
Where was the appreciation for all that he accomplished? Yet, here he was, living in a crumbling apartment and eating stale food like a worthless degenerate.

He soon realized the streets were completely void of any living creatures; the silence was more unnerving than Shadow was expecting. He glanced around the empty streets and sidewalks, hoping to find some sort of comfort. Somehow, he felt worse after confirming that he was, indeed, completely alone. He then realized how ridiculous he was being. If he just focused on walking, everything would be alright.

Minutes passed. As he walked, he thought he could hear footsteps hiding within the sound of gravel crunching beneath his. His mind soon worsened. The water drops that fell were instead the drops of blood leaking from his slit neck. The cold gusts of wind were nothing less than his own dying breaths. He quickly turned back when he felt worse for wear, to say the least, barely restraining himself from a full sprint. He was too proud for such an indulgence. Too consumed in his own paranoia, he didn't notice the twisted and black amorphous entity that watched from the rooftop.

Shadow slammed the door on his way back into his room, locking it tight. Part of him felt he was being crazy, but he couldn't help but feel he wasn't alone. He hid himself under the blankets, trying to shake his persisting paranoia with memories of a happier time. Right as he started to finally drift off to sleep, he was violently forced awake by a hideously loud banging from his kitchen, forceful enough to send some of his various trinkets falling to the ground from the vibrating cabinets. Terrified, and with his blood running cold, he nearly leaped out of his bed, a million thoughts scrambling in his head.

Darkness. Pure and wicked. That's all there was when he finally stood from his bed. He couldn't see anything, not even the bed he had just laid on moments ago. Frantic and confused, he gazed into the void that had enveloped him, hoping to find a trace of anything familiar; the void only gazed back. Just as he began to resign himself, he saw a figure lumbering towards him only several feet away.

Shadow froze, unable to move despite every fiber of his being telling him to run away from whatever force crept up to him. The being finally stood not inches away from his face, and to Shadow's surprise put a hand on his shoulder.

"I've heard you haven't been getting what you deserve. But why shouldn't you? You're the only reason these people live to see another day. And here you are, in spite of it." the entity said, it's voice sounding like a thousand people, all speaking at once.

Shadow was unsure of how to react. He did destroy those bombs way back when, didn't he? He was the one who defeated Robotnik, not Sonic…right?  
"Wh… who are you? What do you want?" Shadow said, still shaken up.  
"Simple. I'm here to make a deal."  
"A deal?"  
"A deal. I can grant you anything you wish. For a price, of course."  
Shadow pondered this for a moment. Anything he wanted? His mind reeled at the possibilities. He could be the king of a great land, he could have enough money to swim in, he could maybe even…  
He suddenly remembered what the entity had said.  
"What's the price?"  
"Oh, nothing much. Just a small thing really, you wouldn't even notice it's gone. I only want the part of you that's been holding you back all these years."  
Shadow found a shred of his confidence, raising his voice. "And why should I trust you?"  
"Oh? The customer doesn't trust me? Allow me to show you a sampling…"  
In the blink of an eye, the void around him melted away, and he suddenly found himself standing in the middle of a grassy field, with a country home not too far off in the distance. Where the hell was he? He started towards the home, unable to find anywhere else to go. What just happened? He was lying in his bed, then some black… thing told him he'd make a deal, then…  
His thoughts were interrupted by something he thought he'd never see again.  
"Maria!?"  
The girl sitting on the front porch, quietly sewing shot up when she heard him speak.  
"Shadow! You're back!"  
Maria darted towards him, stumbling as she excitedly ran towards shadows outstretched arms.  
"Maria! What happened!? I thought you were-"  
Right as she was mere millimeters from hitting his arms, the scene distorted itself into a gnarled, corrupted version of what was once paradise, before finally dissipating into the blighted void Shadow had found himself in before.  
Shadow collapsed, heart wrenched and yearning.  
"I see you enjoyed your little trip there."  
Shadow looked up at the sightless being.  
"I'll take it, whatever deal you want, I'll take it!"  
What could form a face would have grinned, and the entity replied with a curt "excellent."

The void vanished once again, and for good this time.  
Maria crashed into Shadow, and seemed to melt into his arms. "What, Shadow? What were you about to say?"  
"…Nothing, I'm just glad to be home."

Meanwhile, Shadow's corpse lay cold and lifeless in his bed, as the black beast silently moved through the window to find its next prey.


	11. sadface

chaptewhen i throw up on the floor i can go and drink some morething  
chapstick  
manchura got in the car, finally  
someone set this up bomb  
the U.P. bomb ran throw the ground and nearly impaled the car  
but instead hit the moon  
with the moon out of the picture manchura could finally fataly initiate plan ze  
the magician assisted him in robbing the jungle of all its wood  
and now here we are now, on the edge of the unvirseal bisexual volcano  
IT BEGINS

so at the edge of FUCKING NOWHERE thanks shecunt mcnigramuffins marilen mansun couldnt got his date with brutannia from schoool. she wanted to go to date with marilyn mansen cus marilen is so fucking cool i swear to god i get a giant boner everytime i think of him while pouring beer on a cracker goddamn

merrry: "fuck i couldnt get dat sweet pu$$y today" thought he

but it was kay cause ge got enough boypu$$ to go around"

merryhadalittlenigger: "but im no  
NOYO  
MY STORY  
YOU ARE the government  
GODDAMMIT

so marylenisa fingered everyones assholes until JUSTIN MOTHERFUCKING BUDWEISER came up fucking hell hes such an awesome possum GODDAMMIT BRITANNY WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM I HAVE TO HEAR HIS MUSIC ALL THE FUCKING TIME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUIJWKSHBFR9-2318RH9123p0RN F03IXTH0ERMIGUCTO3THJNC M08UEWIMGXF783Q9TG H80W9U FG,N45CWUGMN,X0428QUW9ERNHYM09UERINJH/';[./

so marylun did the only sensible thing and fucked that asshole on the edge of tomorrow till he saw stars (an: get dah pun?NOfuck off leftyIM NOT LEFT UR LEFTNO SHUT UP IZ NOT TRUEokay)

BUT DEN  
*legaspo*  
BUDDDDDQWISER GOT PREGANNT!wow ikr

so maarylondonbridgeisfallingdown and justin mcnuggets had the babies but it was ugly af cuz beebs is ugly af so maryland threwd it away and justin cripe evrytime this story gets mentioned (TW: single moms and/or rape or something idk what is reality even oh god) did a sonic to into shadwitz  
hey thanks for reading so far but we arent actualy done haha  
AN thanks to all my vampire peeps out there keep the crutcisism coming in through the mailtube  
please send help  
i mean honestly its like  
they wont stop STARING at my window screen as though theres a bug on there  
so maybe praying mantisisis in disguse?  
i should basically just landmine the whole place  
blow me to bits  
chunky shunky saaaalsaaaaaaaaaa  
in my dihareha  
and my soul  
SO remember dat song i mention couple chappies ago  
here it is watch?v=cuv4KScAYlk  
defeated hope bursts into tears  
and the fierce tyrant, anguish  
sets his black banner on my bowed head


	12. im sorry

18:00 on the clock.

Zero Hour.

To put it bluntly? We're knee deep in shit.

because i had too many of those fucking sugar cubes

The russians have their fucking bombs all over our asses and command wants us to rub pepperoni all over our nipples and asses

I'm not huge on such rich cultural cock teases, but that hedgehog has been pretty insistænt

which is funny because talking animals arent supposed to be real, i think the shells knocked my brain up or something?!fuck

plus everyone else is a dork, too bad the nazis didnt throw them out along with all the juice

but anyways these slavic fucks were high on our ass with chocolate syrup last i saw them

fucking hell with a period

why'd i even enlist here

i mean jesus DAD i can be man enough without having these ruskies blowing my balls

well not that kind of blowing, usually

i mean the explosive kind the one that makes you want to sleep forever

buttheotherkindsgoodtoo when they aren't

in a flash, a bunch of werewolves come out of fuck all nowhere(mars) and start dryhumping the rusty ruskies

bob just up and flies out of his bunker, jerking his wienerwarrior and sonic looks at me with the dirtiest face ive ever seen

i desired to clean it

all must be clean

In that moment I retired.

So here i am now! how you doing without that cock, bob?

couldnt be happier senpai

Ruskies: THE VAG IS WEAK like your shitty guns and nipples

Little did the slaveics nno, we had another secret weapon

codename, highlander: the fastening

we all snapped our fingers and before we knew it sonic the shitsport was wetfuckking everything we were pointing our pink shotguns at

course no one else but me saw that so to them they god of fucking had struck down with a dildo-clad fist

aint dat right booze bitch bob?

mike you're drunk again

your wifes gonna be so pissed

seriously go home nobody cares about your weird ass stories

and stop talking about my dick seriously that was one fucking night

my wifes always pissed, we hatefuck all the time

that's why we're married

and you can shut your frilly mouth unless you got some stories of your own mmmkey


	13. im (not) sorry

/dash/

a/n; sozzy for the long times between the last update  
Its been a long lifetime  
kill them

cynic the hedg shot his gun very louding and it went BAMBAMBAMBAPOOWSHEWPPPWPsmokeWEEEEEEDff

all the bullets killed all the echindas, and knuckles was really pissed hueuheHAAAAAhahhHAHhahahhaaaaAAAAAA  
aheu

after he put more steel into his big big GUN he GUNNED EVERYHING WOW!?

So now that sonic was did we move on to the next scene of the crime where the living chainguns rose from their graves and unleased their rath op on the shotjuns

BAM went the shitfungun, killin g all the nasty ppls who tells me my storises is ba!d

like that nasSevering my left handty whore kelly froEnding my lifem my history class

fuck you nobody wants theMEir dick sucked by yoOUTur herpes filled mouth

get the fuck off thRIGHTat shit  
Tonight!

with all guns a-blazing the ehdgehos decinahhilatcremated the lothisome plantlife that so plagued planet urth

The bolter bitches, famed elite of the FUCKING PORCUPINES WITH GUNS, were led by the elitest of the elite, Ayme Ross,cltohed in pink Robes with liquid Golden gloves and a frilled pink Pink hankerchief

leading the assult, he plunged into the jungles and ate a vine with zir bare mouth, tasting all the endophermic juices gushing into the mouth and welcoming the throat  
It was then, amy realized, that the planet itself must be killed, for the good of all assholes and shitheads and stupid "authors"

Unstitching the grenades sewn to her elite quills, she shoved them deep into the core of urth, killing herself and all his squad but also turning the planet into ashes that feel to the ground.

So that's why there are onlu 8 plnets in the solar stem, little dommy  
so then suddenly the FUCK HUEG SPICE MEHRUNES STORMED INTO THE compound and SHOT THE FUCK OUT EVERY LIVING GODDAMN THING IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN HELLHOLE WITH THEIR LIVING BREATHING GUN-GUNS

I cant evend escribe how amazing it was but fuking EVERYTHING DIED SO HARD that it mustve died twice! WoOOO AND then filthy spice took his helemt and THREW IT ON THE GROUND

and it revealed A HARDCORE FACE OF BLOOD AND SHIT SEEPING THROUGH EVERY puss filled PORE ON HIS BEUTIFUL FUCKING FACE i wanna lick it

and hSE said "BEHOLD FOR THIS IS HOW I EARNED THE NAME THAT BETROTHS ME"  
and thEN HE SMASHED ALL THE THINGS, im dont know what theyt were but it mightve been p[izza!?

Now an onoar able war veteran, the bloody marine fully swathed in oceans of blood on his honable skins and armor and eyes, fully seeping in blood, took his hand and put it on yhe blood bathed table hardly

"IT IS OUR DOTY TO KILL THEM"

now they were killing them really hrd with their guns and arms and legs and then the plant rose from the rubble and said

"HOLY FUCK I NEED TO GROW SO BAAAAAAAA

so the spicey mragantts took their hammers and hammered it and hammerd it and it sounded like

"HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMER'

with every fucking living thing dead as a FUCK, the spices took the double dead twice fucked corpse of sicknick the fucknick and threw it into space  
THE END, MAN  
author's nut; been GONE for abou a century because the police have been trying to steal my life again, thankfully this house i just raided has a computer, lol

dont tell anyone


End file.
